Beyond Being “The Best”: Modelling Resilience for Our Children

I have two signs that sit on my dresser. One was built for me by my teenage son in woodworking class that reads: “Proud to Be the Best Mom Ever.” Right next to it is a sign that I bought that reads: “You are Enough.” These are the first messages I see each morning and they remind me that being “the best” isn’t what is important, it’s being authentically myself and connecting with my kids- that is enough. Many of us think that to be “our best” we always need to be perfectly regulated and “on”, however, that isn’t real life.

Modelling the Struggle
From time to time, I struggle with anxiety. I have never hidden this from my children. We talk about what anxiety means and about how I struggle with it occasionally in an age-appropriate way. We also talk about who I reach out to for help and what I do to support myself through it. In this way we are normalizing mental health for my kids. It removes the shame around struggling, allows them to see that it is ok to ask for help, and that it is also ok for them to not be ok sometimes.

 The Outcome: Empathy and Resilience
Sometimes I do wonder if sharing my struggle weighs on my children. However, when I received a very special card from my son this Mother’s Day, it assured me that I was on the right track. In the card he said that he was proud of me for navigating my anxiety this year and I was strong for getting through it and making changes to my work. He said that even though I had challenges this year, I was still a great mom. My son saw my struggles and loved me through it anyways. This reaffirmed what I know to be true- by showing our kids what it means to be human, they learn empathy, compassion, and care. When our kids see us struggle, we show them what resilience is, which teaches them that they can handle their own future challenges.

The “Good Enough” Parent
Whether you are a new parent wondering if you are going to be enough for your child, or a more seasoned parent worried about doing “all of the things” with your child, please know that there is no such thing as the perfect parent. We all have struggles sometimes and that is real life. A “good enough” parent provides a safe home base for their child, while modelling how to handle life when it gets a little bumpy. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, try narrating it for your child… “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by our schedule tonight, so I am going to take a few minutes to breathe and focus on the present moment before we head off to soccer.”

 In my work, I try to create a space where my clients can take a deep breath and feel as if they can be authentic, not perfect. My son’s card is proof that our kids don’t need us to be superheroes. They just need us to be human.  

If you would like a space to practice being “enough” rather than “perfect” I would love to support you. I am currently booking in my new home-based office that opens in June.